Try being friendly and charming rather than overly flirtatious. You don't have to put yourself on house arrest; it's okay to hang out, work on your abs, join a political campaign, do some volunteer activities, hang out with friends, but no swapping spit for a year, so you've gone through one whole cycle by yourself and know you're not using another person as a emotional Band-Aid.
Joy Browne: Make eye contact, smile, flirt -- unless it's at work, and then I would suggest you wait till one of you leaves, since work is about competence, and dating is about fun and sex and neat stuff. Joy Browne: I know you'll hate this, but one full year after the divorce becomes final.
What are the signs that your relationship has deteriorated into it?
Joy Browne: The term is used to describe the seemingly surprising situation that when an alcoholic stops drinking, often the family structure falls apart rather than gets better.
Maybe you're asking too many questions too soon. Try lightening up a bit on dates and doing fun, casual stuff, and see if that works better for you.
Try meeting people in ordinary places like church or grocery stores or my favorite, volunteer activities.
Your heart has always been a risk, now the rest of your body is too, with all the nasty little diseases around. Or should we wait around and try to work things out? I'd drop the complaining about his ex and see how things go with you two. Joy Browne: If there's a question, I'd wait.
Keeping sex special keeps your head, your heart, your soul, and your genitals in much better shape. Joy, I dated a woman for two years, broke up, and still have remained best friends for the last year. Joy Browne: Sounds like you both might benefit from no contact for six months or so. If you're friends first, if the sex is great, everything is terrific.
Question: I never know whether a woman will be impressed by chivalrous behavior or if it will offend her sense of gender equality.
That's the advantage of friendship; it can be maintained more easily over time. If the sex is a bust, at least you can talk about it.
During the break with no contact, you can decide if you miss each other enough to try again, and both of you will have the chance to see who else is out there with whom you might have a better chance for what both of you want. Since these days you've got to talk about condoms and safe sex as well as contraceptives, you want to make sure you trust this person.
Joy Browne: I think love at first sight is lust with potential. Understand women have two categories of men, okay and not, but men have three categories for women: blech, okay (I'll live with you, tell you I love you, and be nice to your mom, but you're not the one), and category three -- a Bo Derek whose father owns a liquor store and who is a stay-at-home woman who will love me like my mom did. Sorry, but you'll find someone who views you as his one and only once you give this dude up and give yourself some time to recover and get on with it. But you know more than I can tell you how important it is to heal before going into another relationship.
Question: What do you think of "love at first sight"? Joy Browne: Unfortunately, you usually have to take a break from each other for six months or so, so both of you can get your equilibrium back, which is really hard once you're involved.
Joy Browne: I assume that means sleeping around, which I don't think was ever that great an idea.