If she’s reset three times, and within an hour of our meeting … I listened to them talk about how great their kids were. So if I go in for the arm brush too early, be aware that I’m feeling you out for your touchy-feely level. Sure, I am illustrating a point, but I’m trying to sense out your touchy-feely scale. Or does touch/hugging/kissing/sex come with deeper reservations? And when I touch you, it IS casual, but I am looking for clues to how you will react later on.
Why do I think she’s going to be a different person in actual relationship. I even listened to their funny online dating stories. Almost as a technique to satisfy my marriage, a counseling recommendation, “Just listen. And if I’m too touchy, I might be showing my own emptiness or hunger. I’m not doing it in a creepy or manipulative way, but you need to know I’m doing it. My pools of reflection were deep, and I thought I was showing my deep feeling.
When the chemistry is right between us, it’s possible that these clues, or tells, are going to resonate between us. And while none of them turned into the long-term relationship I am ultimately seeking, I learned a lot from every experience.
And really, that’s the message I want to get across. We have no idea what life is supposed to be like after divorce.
When I’m doing that I’m too hungry, I’m too aggressive, I am too enthusiastically in pursuit of you.
And asking me to back off is going to give me the signal and information I’m looking for anyway.
When I am clear, I can make rational and appropriate decisions. Or a single whole relationship, that’s my ultimate goal, one relationship.
When the chemistry is ON but the warning signs are also shining bright, I can walk away from the temptation. But I’ve got a long way to go before settling down.
When I catch myself listening for overtones and hints, I try to stop. If you’re touch-adverse, I’m guessing you’ll give off these clues fairly quickly. When I was in my early, and very passionate, months of trying to date, I tried to convey my seriousness and earnestness with my dark and smoldering eyes. I was just peering out of very emotional eyes and I wanted you to see and notice how sensitive I was. I’m not sure how well it worked, but it didn’t ever really result in the date I was looking for. When you see an infinite and sensitive soul in your date, you might sit back a bit and see how desperate that searching feeling gets.
But I have figured out some things along the way that are measures of my readiness—or any man’s readiness—for his next intimate relationship. Even though she was resetting and I was being accommodating, I was ignoring my own over-accommodating tendencies. THREE: He’s too eager to listen.“Women really want you to listen.” It’s advice you’re going to get from both men and women when you start dating again. Listening is something we’ve become less and less adept at over the years, and with the increasing pace of life and technological interruptions.
Here are five signs I’ve identified that the man you are looking at is more of a fractured soul than he is letting on. And I realize, just as I’m writing this, that she’s a disaster waiting to happen. So slowing down and paying attention to what the other person is saying, IS important. When the listening is too animated, too connected, you need to gauge whether someone is being attentive for their own needs or as a strategy. I listened to women complain about their marriages. (We’re talking first dates here, so either way it’s OK, but it’s giving me a lot of information.) Do you touch me back? I can tell a lot from a first intentional touch on your shoulder.
And when you are still reeling from the collapse of your marriage, you might be ready for some free love, but the completion of the work needed to actually enjoy it is still a few months or years down the road.♦◊♦For me, it was indeed, several years before I was ready (am ready) to enter into a joyful relationship.
Before that time, I was interested in a relationship, but I was not bringing a full and healthy person to the table, so to speak.
When I am free of these habits I am more confident that I am actually ready to try for a relationship again.